i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
