shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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