I saw his package. It spoke to me.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
