theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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