I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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