Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
