me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
