# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Be still, my beating vagina.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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