If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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