i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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