you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
