Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
