Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
