So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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