Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
