I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
