and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
