did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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