he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
