Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
