Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
