he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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