Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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