shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
