can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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