That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
