Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
