We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
