i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
