Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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