come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
