i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have demons in me.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
