Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
