Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
