I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
