If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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