Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
