Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
