Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
