Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
