Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
