Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
