There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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