He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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