apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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