Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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