i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We had to coat check the pizza.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
