I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
