I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
