I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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