he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
