You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
