Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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