You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
