It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
