just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I need water and some morals
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
