Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
