come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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