i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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