we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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