He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
