True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
