i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
