What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
